A Boy in Parappa Town
by Katamari101
Summary: Hikaru Oyama is a 14 year old boy who moves to the horrible town of PaRappa Town. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Rated M for LOTS of Language.
1. Movin' Sucks

You are now reading A Boy in Parappa Town. This fan fiction is a Parappa the Rapper fan fiction. It's actually a sequel to WTF Mystery Files. It's where Hikaru moves away from WTF Town (the town Hikaru lived in), and moves to Parappa Town, a horrible town in Osaka. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Movin' Sucks

"Damn, I can't believe I'm movin' away from my friends. Well, at least Spongebob will hopefully not attack us." A boy said. This boy is Hikaru Oyama, a 14 year old boy who is just about to move to the worst town in the fucking world, Parappa Town. He has short red spiky hair on the top of his head, he wears a red jacket with a black shirt underneath, blue jeans and black shoes.

"HIKARU!! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!" A crazy female voice said,

"Coming, Mom!" Hikaru said, "Man, this is going to suck." He thought, he gets in the car and the car drives away, with a moving truck behind them.

"Excited, Hikaru?" Hikaru's mother says,

"What? Why the hell would you think that? Of COURSE I'm not frickin' excited!" He says,

"DON'T BE A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!!" She yelled.

Hikaru fired his lazers at her, causing her head to asplode.

"HIKARU!" His father said in an angry tone. "Don't fire your lazers while we're driving!"

"Asshole..." Hikaru whispered.

5 seconds later, the car arrives at Hikaru's new home,

"How the hell did we get here in 5 seconds?" Hikaru asked.

"I used my BREAD powers!" Hikaru's dad yelled.

"What?" Hikaru's sister asked.

They catch a glimpse at the train wreck that was their new house. There was no south wall, there were rats everywhere in the house, and the top floor had a huge hole in the wall of one of the rooms of the house. And unfortunately, that was Hikaru's room.

"Oh my god, this house looks horrible! How the hell do you expect us to live here, dad?"

"Don't worry!" Hikaru's father said, "With the power of bread, we can survive here!"

He runs inside of the house and opens the fridge, but sees a squirrel in it.

"Ahh! A squirrel!" He yelled.

"Oh god..." Hikaru said.

End of Chapter 1


	2. School and Homsar!

_A Boy in Parappa Town_

Chapter 2: School and...Homsar?!

After 5 seconds of moving heavy-ass boxes, the family finally finished moving everything into their shitty new house.

"That was surprisingly short," Hikaru said, "I didn't even feel tire-" Hikaru then exploded from sudden exaustion.

"Holy crap! Hikaru exploded!" Hikaru's sister yelled.

"And there is only one way to resurrect an Oyama..." Hikaru's dad whispered. He pulled out a loaf of bread and raised it above his head, and yelled "BREAD! REVIVE MY SON, HIKARU OYAMA!"

Hikaru then reappeared in front of his older sister and his dad.

"Holy shit, I'm alive!" Hikaru said.

"Yeah, that's nice, Hikaru, now GO TO BED!!" Hikaru's dad yelled.

"Okay, okay." Hikaru said. He went upstairs to his room, layed on his bed, and fell asleep. Until Homsar arrived.

Homsar climbed up to Hikaru's room from outside, into the hole in Hikaru's wall.

"What the..." Hikaru said while waking up, "What the hell was that?"

"AaaAaaaaAAaa, IIII'm the owner of the fridge factory!" Homsar said.

"What the- HOMSAR?!" Hikaru yelled, "What the hell are YOU doing here!?"

Just then, the Homsar Busters barged into the house, then went up into Hikaru's room, and chased Homsar out of the room.

'AaaAaaAaaAAaaa, IIII'm married to a cupcake!" Homsar said while being chased.

"Okay...that was weird." Hikaru said.

The next morning, Hikaru's mom barges into his room, and yells "WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE BITCH!!"

Hikaru wakes up and yells "Jesus Christ, Mom! What the fuck is your problem!?"

"I JUST DID A GALLON OF HEROIN!!" Hikaru's mom yelled, "NOW GO DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST!!"

"Fine, bitch..." Hikaru whispered. He went downstairs to the kitchen. As soon as he sat on a chair to eat a bowl of sugar for breakfast, his dad threw his sugar at the ceiling.

"Jesus Christ, Dad!" Hikaru yelled, "What the hell was that for!?"

"HIKARU! We do NOT believe in Jesus Christ! We believe in BREAD!" Hikaru's dad yelled while holding a loaf of bread above his head. "Now eat your BREAD, and go to school!!"

"Okay, okay." Hikaru said. He went out the door and to the bus. Unfortunately, just as Hikaru was about to get on the bus, the bus driver flipped him off and drove away.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!" Hikaru yelled. Hikaru ended up walking to school.

5 seconds later, Hikaru got to school. Unfortunately, the school was one of the most atrocious schools in the frickin' world. He entered the school, and immediately rushed to class in fear he would get involved in a school shooting.

Hikaru went into class, but he immediately knew something was wrong. First off, the school teacher was a manically insane woman named Ms. Hufflepuff.

"OKAY, CLASS!" Ms, Hufflepuff yelled, "OPEN YOUR GODDAMN TEXTBOOKS, AND GO TO PAGE 9000!!"

Hikaru pulled out what seemed to be the biggest textbook in the fucking world, with 1 billion pages.

"Oh god, this is going to suck." Hikaru said.

TO BE CONTINUED, AGAIN.


	3. Mayonaise Edgeworth

Chapter 3: Mayonaise Edgeworth and meeting Parappa

"OKAY, CLASS!" Ms. Hufflepuff yelled, "WHAT IS THE SQUARE ROOT OF A GAME BOY DIVIDED BY DERF!"

"Um..." Hikaru said, "...fail?"

"THAT IS CORRECT!" Ms. Hufflepuff yelled, "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET: MORE HOMEWORK!"

_Damn it, _Hikaru thought, _This school sucks, hard._

After class, Hikaru was walking in the hallway, until he was attacked by this douchebag.

"Hey." The douche said, "You the new guy?"

"Yeah." Hikaru responded, "Who are you, anyway?"

"How could you not know who I am?" The douche responded, "I'm Mayonaise Edgeworth."

Hikaru burst out laughing, "_Mayonaise _Edgeworth!" He said while laughing, "Who the F*CK would name a kid that?"

Mayonaise punched Hikaru in the face, causing him to fall over.

"That'll teach ya' for messing with me!" Mayonaise said in an angry tone. Mayonaise walked away and flipped Hikaru off.

"Agh..." Hikaru said, "What the hell was I thinking?"

Hikaru was laying on the floor, until a certain rapping dog came over to him and said, "Are you okay?"

"Um..." Hikaru said, "Yeah, I guess."

"How'd you end up on the floor?" The rapping dog said, "Did you bump into Mayonaise?"

"H-how'd you know about that guy?" Hikaru asked.

"He's the school bully." The dog answered, 'He's a real ass if I say so myself."

"Yeah, he is." Hikaru said while getting up, "By the way, what's your name?"

"My name's Parappa." Parappa said, "What's yours?"

"Hikaru." Hikaru answered, "I just moved here from WTF Town."

"Huh, cool." Parappa said, "By the way, that Mayonaise guy, he's the son of Miles Edgeworth."

"Miles Edgeworth?" Hikaru said, shocked. "...Wait, who the fuck's Miles Edgeworth?"

"I don't know." Parappa said.

Hikaru checked his watch and saw that he was late for class. Really late.

"Oh fuck, I'm late for class!"

"Oh yeah...school is over. You missed it."

"You have got to be kidding." Hikaru said.

"Nope. I was just about to leave until I saw you on the floor."

"*Sigh* Oh well. I just hope that Ms. Hufflepuff won't catch us still here."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DICKHEADS DOING HERE!" A crazy voice yelled.

"Oh shit, that's Ms. Hufflepuff!" Parappa yelled.

They both rushed out of the school, while Ms. Hufflepuff was chasing them both with a chainsaw.

When Hikaru got back home, he rushed inside hoping that Hufflepuff wasn't chasing him.

"Ah! Hikaru!" Hikaru's dad said, "Your just in time to try my new flavor of BREAD: PLASTIC BREAD!"

"What." Hikaru said with a shocked look on his face, "Why the hell would you make plastic bread? I'm going to my room."

"Fine. Don't try my bread." Hikaru's dad said, "I'll just use this homework I found at the front door to make BREAD."

"Wait, homework?" Hikaru yelled, "Oh my god, DAD! THAT'S MY-"

"TA-DA!" Hikaru's dad interrupted, "Presenting the newest member of the BREAD family: HOMEWORK BREAD!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Hikaru screamed.

ONCE AGAIN, TO BE FUCKING CONTINUED.


	4. It's Retarded Bunny Time!

A/N: I apologize for not updating in a long time. I've just been busy (well, busy as in playing video games instead of writing). I promise that Chapter 5 will NOT take a ludicrously long amount of time to finish.

So, without further ado, enjoy.

Chapter 4: It's Retarded Bunny Time!

Hikaru has woken up from his sleep, anticipating what will, obviously, be a horrible day. "Ah...another horrible day in this fucking to-WHAT THE FUCK?" He yells as he witnesses what is next to him.

It is a white, anthropomorphic rabbit sleeping next to him.

"Um..." Hikaru said. "Can you get the fuck up so I can ask you what you are doing in my fucking bed?"

The rabbit wakes up from his sleep. "GOOD MORNING!" He screams.

The sudden yell causes Hikaru to fall off of his bed. "W-what the fuck are you doing in my bed!" He asked.

"DON'T YELL AT ME!" The bunny screams. He immediately begins to throw a tantrum because of Hikaru's sudden outburst.

"W-what the fuck?" Hikaru said out of confusion. "Um...I'm just going to go downstairs for breakfast now."

"Can I come with you?" The bunny asks.

"Yes, you can come with me." Hikaru says. "Just don't freak the fuck out like you did just now."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" The bunny screams. He immediately runs downstairs crying.

"Oh shit!" Hikaru said. He immediately runs downstairs trying to catch the little motherfucker.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Hikaru's dad was making bread for breakfast while singing the Two and a Half Men theme with "men" replaced with "bread".

"Bread, bread, bread, bread, manly bread, bread, bread." He sang. Just then, the bunny jumps on Hikaru's dad, causing him to drop his newly-made bread.

"NOOOOOOO!" Hikaru's dad yells ad the bread falls from his grasp. "MY BREAAAAAD!"

Hikaru rushed into the kitchen, only to find the bunny on top of Hikaru's dad. "Oh crap." Hikaru said. "Um...is this a good time to start asking questions, Dad?"

"What do you want to know?" asked Hikaru's dad.

"Well, first off: What the fuck was this bunny-kid doing in my fucking room?" Hikaru asked.

"I don't know." Hikaru's dad replied.

"OF COURSE YOU KNOW! YOU LET ME IN!" The bunny screamed.

"Oh yeah..." said Hikaru's dad.

"Secondly: What the fuck is wrong with this motherfucking kid?" Hikaru asked.

"He's heavily autistic." Hikaru's dad responded.

"Wait, WHAT!" Hikaru yelled. "You know what? I'm just going to stop asking questions and get the fuck to school."

"Bye, SON!" Hikaru's dad said.

"Bye, Dad." Hikaru said as he left.

Hikaru got on the bus, and it drove away. When the bus got to the school, Hikaru got off but was nearly stampeded by a thousand other fucking kids. When Hikaru finally got in the school and into class, Ms. Hufflepuff punched him in the face with brass knuckles and yells "YOU'RE LATE!"

Hikaru got up from the floor and said "What the fuck do you mean I'm late? I'm perfectly on time!"

"YOU'RE LATE WHEN I SAY SO, NOW SIT THE FUCK DOWN!" She yelled.

Hikaru sat down on his desk as told. He immediately started drawing Picasso-quality scribbles of Ms. Hufflepuff having sex with Waluigi from the Mario games. As soon as he finished drawing, he immediately threw up rainbows on his desk. Ms. Hufflepuff walked up to him, punched him in the face, and said "No throwing up rainbows." in a Sylvester Stallone style voice, then walks away.

_Oh god. _Hikaru thought. _Is it just me, or is Ms. Hufflepuff getting worse and worse?_

"OKAY, CLASS!" Ms. Hufflepuff yelled, "WHAT IS 0 DIVIDED BY OVER 9000!"

The entire class gasped at the ridiculous question. Hikaru raised his hand to answer the question. "YES, HIKARU!" Ms. Hufflepuff asked.

"Well, first off: Why the FUCK would you ask questions like that?" Hikaru yelled, "Secondly. The answer is nothing. There is no possible way to divide by zero."

"INCORRECT!" Ms. Hufflepuff yelled, "OH FUCKING WELL. I CAN'T BLAME YOU FOR BEING **RETARDED**! AFTER ALL, **I **DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, AND I'M LUDICROUSLY SMART!"

"Are you fucking serious?" Hikaru yelled, "You're not smart!"

"I AM SMART BECAUSE I AM JESUS CHRIST, GOD, MOSES, ADAM, EVE, WALL-E, HAYAO MIYAZAKI, BILLY MAYS AND JUSTIN BIEBER ALL IN ONE!" Ms. Hufflepuff yelled,

"Are you fucking kidding? You are NOTHING like those people!" Hikaru yelled,

"YOU ARE LYING! BY THE WAY, ME AND JUSTIN BIEBER ARE GETTING MARRIED TOMMOROW!"

"Wait, you're getting married to Justin Bieber? Isn't he supposed to be 16?" Hikaru asked.

"OKAY, I ADMIT IT, I'M A PEDO!" Ms. Hufflepuff admitted.

"Wait, WHAT?" Hikaru yelled.

"YES, I LIKE FUCKING KIDS. REGARDLESS OF AGE OR GENDER." Ms. Hufflepuff admitted, "HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REALLY FUCKING HOT? WATCHING YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOME OTHER GIRL YOUR AGE WHILE I VIDEOTAPE IT, THEN PUT IT ON YOUTUBE!"

"WHAT?" Hikaru yelled as the whole class gasped.

"IN FACT, I KNOW THE PERFECT GIRL YOU CAN FUCK!" said Ms. Hufflepuff.

"Oh god help me." Hikaru said.

"HEY, KATY!" Ms. Hufflepuff said.

"Um...yeah?" Katy said.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE FUCKED BY THIS BOY WHILE I VIDEOTAPE IT AND PUT IT ON YOUTUBE?" Ms. Hufflepuff asked.

"Wait, WHAT?" yelled Katy, "No! Why would I have sex with a guy I don't even KNOW?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO NOW PROCEED WITH THE FUCKING!" Ms Hufflepuff answered.

"You know what? I'm just going to walk out of this class room." Hikaru said, "This is just ludicro-"

Suddenly, the school bell rang and everyone ran out of the classroom and went to English class. However, what Hikaru DOESN'T know is the horror that is the English teacher...

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. This Reminds Me of a Puzzle!

Chapter 5: This Reminds Me of a Puzzle!

As Hikaru exited math class, he immediately heard a voice call out his name. "Hey Hikaru!" the voice said. Hikaru turned around and saw Parappa, his new friend.

"Hey Parappa!" Hikaru said. He walked over to Parappa to talk to him. "So, what's going on?"

"Nothing much, really." Parappa responded. The bell rang, meaning it was time for English class for Hikaru and Parappa.

"Well, I'll see you in English class." Hikaru said.

"Okay." Parappa said as he walked to class.

Hikaru entered English class and sat down at his seat. As soon as he sat down, however, someone threw a chainsaw at him from behind, but it fortunately missed. Hikaru looked behind him to see who threw the ax at him. Who he saw was none other then the biggest dick in the school: Mayonnaise Edgeworth.

"Did you just throw a chainsaw at me, Mayonnaise?" Hikaru asked.

"Of course I did!" Mayonnaise responded, "Who else would throw an ax at you, Hikaru?"

"Oh, fuck you, Mayonnaise!" Hikaru yelled.

"That's enough, you two!" The English teacher yelled. "Now, be quiet so we can begin."

"Fine." Hikaru and Mayonnaise said.

"Anyway..." The English teacher said. "My name is Professor Hershel Layton, and I will be your English teacher for this year."

"Shut up, you fucking brit!" Mayonnaise blurted out.

"Be quiet, Mayonnaise!" Layton yelled, "Or I will give you detention!"

"So?" Mayonnaise said, "I already HAVE detention for murdering that black kid in the locker room!"

"YOU MURDERED A FUCKING BLACK KID!" Hikaru yelled.

"Well, yeah, I don't like blacks." Mayonnaise said.

"Shut up you two!" Layton yelled. "Mayonnaise, I am going to call the police right now."

"Why?" Mayonnaise asked.

"Because you murdered a black kid! That's why!" Layton said.

Mayonnaise immediately started crying and throwing a tantrum.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL!" He screamed.

"Well, you would definitely deserve it." Hikaru said.

"SHUT UP!" Mayonnaise yelled. He immediately pulled out a rocket launcher and blew up the entire school. But somehow, everyone survived.

"How the fuck did we survive that?" Hikaru asked.

"...How the bloody hell am I supposed to know?" Layton answered. "Oh look, the police is here!"

A fucking SWAT team arrived to arrest Mayonnaise for blowing up the school and killing some random black kid. They carried him to the car, still crying and throwing a tantrum, and drove him to juvenile prison.

"I can't believe it." Layton said, "He's finally gone. That son of a bitch is gone. WE MUST CELEBRATE!"

"Oh hell yes!" Hikaru said. The entire school ended up throwing a huge party in the auditorium to celebrate Mayonnaise going to jail. About 3 hours later, the party has ended. Everybody has gone back home.

"I better get back home." Hikaru said, "My Mom is going to fucking kill me. And my Dad is just going to shove his horrible bread down my throat as always." Hikaru enters his home to see that the autistic bunny from this morning is still there.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!" Hikaru screamed. "And why the fuck are you watching Teletubbies? That's a horrible fucking show!"

The bunny threw the remote at Hikaru's head.

"Ow! What the fuck?" Hikaru said.

"DON'T YELL AT ME!" The bunny screamed.

"Fine." Hikaru said. "By the way, what's you're name?"

"Bob." The bunny- I mean, Bob responded.

"Okay, Bob." Hikaru said, " Get the fuck out of my house or I will fucking stab you in throat with a knife."

"Okay!" Bob said. He immediately left the house.

"Thank god!" said Hikaru. He went up to his room and went to bed.

"Oh god, I hope tomorrow will be better than today."

**TO BE CONTINUED**

By the way, sorry if this chapter wasn't as good, or funny, as usual. I kinda ran out of ideas. But don't worry! The next chapter will hopefully be better.


	6. New Characters and Shit

Chapter 6: New Characters and Shit

Hikaru had woken up from sleeping, obviously. "Oh god, I can't fucking wait to experience another hellish day in this damn to- WHY AM I SLEEPING ON A HIPPO!" Hikaru yelled as he realized he was not sleeping on his queen-sized bed made out of double cheeseburgers – but on a hippo.

Just then, Hikaru's dad barged into the house like a SWAT team and yelled "WAKE UP, SON!"

"Hi Dad." Hikaru said. "By the way, why am I sleeping on a FUCKING HIPPO!"

"Because I sold your bed for BREAD!" Hikaru's dad explained.

"Wait, WHAT!" Hikaru yelled. He was horrified to realize that his dad had sold his bed for bread. Hey, that rhymes!

"Why the fuck would you sell my fucking bed!" Hikaru asked.

"Because I wanted more BREAD!" Hikaru's dad answered.

"Okay..." Hikaru said, "But, do you by any chance happen to know where this fucking HIPPO CAME FROM!"

"I stole it from the zoo." Hikaru's dad admitted.

"Okay..." Hikaru said, confused. "I'm just going to go downstairs now for breakfast."

"ME TOO!" said Hikaru's dad.

They both went down stairs for breakfast – technically bread. But then, Hikaru was greeted by his Mom with a strong – like, REALLY strong – punch in the face.

"GET IN THE FUCKING SCHOOL BUS, YOU LITTLE **BITCH**!" Hikaru's mom yelled.

"Wait, school bus?" said Hikaru, "What time is it?"

"YOU ARE FIVE MINUTES EARLY FOR SCHOOL, **BITCH**!" Hikaru's mom yelled.

"Oh shit, I'd better get to school!" Hikaru said.

"Bye, SON!" Hikaru's dad yelled.

"Bye dad." Hikaru said as he went on the school bus. When he went on the bus, he was greeted by none other then the biggest dick in school, Mayonnaise Edgeworth. And with a punch in the face, nonetheless.

"Ow!" Hikaru yelled as he got punched. "What the hell, you fucking assho-MAYONNAISE EDGEWORTH!"

"'Sup, asshole." Mayonnaise said.

"I-I thought you were sent to juvy in the last chapter!" Hikaru asked.

"The plot needed me, so I broke out." Mayonnaise explained.

"B-bu-oh fuck it, you shouldn't question plot holes like this." Hikaru said.

The bus stopped at Bob Saget High School, obviously. When Hikaru exited the bus, he was followed by over nine thousand other kids. Just then, Vegeta and Nappa from Dragon Ball Z peeked out of the bushes and saw the children.

"VEGETA! WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN OVER THERE?" Nappa asked.

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSA- oh fuck this overused internet meme!" Vegeta said. He then punched Nappa in the face, and went back in the bush.

Hikaru enter math class to suffer yet another nightmarish school session with Ms. Hufflepuff...or will he?

"OKAY CLASS!" Ms. Hufflepuff yelled to her class. "TODAY WE HAVE A NEW FAGGOT JOINING US, **BITCH**! HER NAME IS- UM, WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN, **BITCH**!" She asked the young girl next to her.

"Sabrina." The girl- I mean, Sabrina answered. "My name is Sabrina."

As soon as Hikaru saw Sabrina, the song "You Sexy Thang (I Believe in Miracles)" started playing, and he nearly stopped breathing. No, scratch that, he DID stop breathing. He was so mesmerized in Sabrina's beauty, he forgot how to breath. Until he collapsed from lack of oxygen, however.

"OH, OKAY!" Ms. Hufflepuff said. "HER NAME IS SABRINA!"

"T-TEACHER!" Mr. Bear said.

"WHAT IS IT, MR. BEAR!" Ms. Hufflepuff asked.

"HIKARU COLLASPED!" Mr. Bear said, pointing to Hikaru's knocked-out body.

The entire class gasped when they saw Hikaru's body on the floor. Ms. Hufflepuff just stared at Hikaru's body for about 5 years.

"AW, WHO THE FUCK CARES, **BITCH**!" Ms. Hufflepuff yelled. Class continued from that point. Hikaru's body was STILL on the floor, but no one gave a shit. Except for one person.

After class ended, everyone left the classroom, obviously. But one person stayed behind. Who was that person? I won't tell you. Yet...

Hikaru then woke up after being knocked-out by him forgetting how to breath. But he woke up to the reason he forgot how to breath in the first place...

"Are you OK?" Sabrina asked.

"Huh?" Hikaru said, finally breathing again. "W-what the hell happened? Why is the classroom empty?"

"Oh yeah, maybe I should explain that to you." Sabrina said. "Well, you collapsed when I first introduced myself. You were knocked-out for the entire duration of class."

"What?" Hikaru said, surprised. "Oh my fucking god, I missed class?"

"Don't worry, you didn't miss much." Sabrina said. "The teacher was too busy yelling at the students and making up impossible math equations to actually teach. I can't believe she isn't fired yet."

"I know." Hikaru said. "Ms. Hufflepuff is the worst teacher ever. Yesterday, she made the class divide by zero."

"Oh god, that's horrible!" Sabrina said.

"I know!" Hikaru said, "And she gets even worse every day. Exactly how horrible can she even get?"

"Who knows?" Sabrina said.

"Anyway..." He said. "What's your name?"

"Sabrina." She replied. "What's yours?"

"Hikaru." He said.

"Okay." She said. "So...what's it like at home?"

"It's almost as bad as school here." He said. "Seriously, I have a heroin-addict mom and a bread-obsessed dad."

"Wow." said Sabrina. "That doesn't sound like fun."

"Trust me, it isn't." He said. "I swear to god, living with my family is worse than DEATH."

"What's worse than death?" asked Sabrina.

"Living with my fucking family." He said. "THAT'S WHAT."

"It must be bad." She said.

"Oh, believe me, it's bad." said Hikaru.

Just as Hikaru and Sabrina were finally starting to get to know each other, the door broke down, the principal (the Tourettes Guy) came in and yelled "STOP FUCKING AND GET TO ENGLISH CLASS YOU SHIT-DICKS!"

"HOLY SHIT!" Hikaru and Sabrina yelled simultaneously.

"Don't fucking barge in on us, you asshole!" Hikaru yelled.

"FUCK YOU KID, YOU'RE A DICK!" The principal yelled. "I WOULD GIVE YOU BOTH DETENTION FOR BEING LATE TO ENGLISH CLASS, BUT I'M TOO PISSED THAT SOMEONE STOLE MY PET HIPPO TO GIVE A SHIT!"

"Let's just go." Sabrina said. "If we don't listen to him, he won't shut up."

"Yeah, let's go." Hikaru said. They both exited out the door, and went to English class. They both entered the door, but Hikaru's entrance was interrupted by a punch in the face.

"What the fuck?" Hikaru yelled.

"SHUT UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN, OR I WILL PLAY JUSTIN BIEBER MUSIC!" The English teacher yelled.

"Fine..." Hikaru said. He sat down, but noticed that the teacher was not Professor Layton like yesterday. Oh no, it was someone else. Someone completely different. Someone more angry and violent than Layton EVER was. It was...well, just listen to what the teacher has to say to find out.

"HELLO, CLASS!" The teacher yelled. "NOW, SOME OF YOU MAY BE WONDERING 'HEY, WHERE THE FUCK IS LAYTON?'. WELL, GUESS THE FUCK WHAT? HE MOVED BACK TO ENGLAND AFTER REALIZING WHAT A HORRIBLE TOWN THIS IS, AND I'M HIS REPLACEMENT!"

"Well, what's your name?" Mayonnaise asked.

"I WAS GETTING TO THAT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" The teacher yelled. "MY NAME IS MR. DICKINSON, AND I WILL BE YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER FOR YOUR WHATEVER YEAR YOU GUYS ARE IN. NOW STOP TOUCHING YOUR DICKS – OR, VAGINAS IF ANY OF YOU ARE CHICKS - AND START LEARNING SHIT!"

_Oh great._ Hikaru thought. _ANOTHER horrible teacher. Can this place get any worse?_

"STOP CRITICIZING ME, OYAMA!" Mr. Dickinson yelled. "I CAN READ MINDS! FOR EXAMPLE, MAYONNAISE IS THINKING ABOUT RAPING SABRINA, AND PJ IS THINKING OF PUNCHING MR. BEAR IN THE EAR!"

"H-how the fuck did you know all that?" Mayonnaise asked.

"I CAN READ FUCKING MINDS, YOU SANDVICH-FUCKER!" Mr. Dickinson yelled. Just then, the Heavy Weapons guy from Team Fortress 2 popped out of nowhere and said "SANDVICH!"

"FUCK OFF, HEAVY!" Mr. Dickinson yelled.

"Okay, um...wait a minute." Hikaru said. "WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. Mayonnaise, you think about RAPING PEOPLE?"

"Well, yeah, I'm a rapist." Mayonnaise admitted.

The entire class gasped at Mayonnaise admitting that he is a rapist – and Sabrina's his next victim.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Hikaru yelled.

"YOU ARE RAPIST – BIG SURPRISE." said Heavy.

"Wait a minute..." Hikaru said. "I think I get it now! It completely makes sense! MAYONNAISE IS NOT OUR MAYONNAISE!"

The entire class gasped at the revelation: Mayonnaise is a spy! Just then, Mayonnaise became shrouded in smoke and revealed himself as...ze Spy!

"Yes..." Mayonnai-I mean, the Spy said. "I am ze Spy."

"HOLY SHIT!" The class yelled.

"Wait, if Mayonnaise is a spy..." Sabrina said.

"THEN WHO WAS PHONE?" The class said.

"No, that's not the question." Sabrina said. "Anyway, if Mayonnaise is a spy, where's the REAL Mayonnaise?"

"That is, if there IS a real Mayonnaise." Hikaru said.

"Oh, yes." the Spy said. "Well, Mayonnaise is still in juvie. So, I disguised as him to be his replacement. Unfortunately, it seems that my disguise was thwarted by my pedophilac tendencies."

Just then, a SWAT team barged into the classroom, and took away the Spy.

"YOU'LL REGRET THIS DAY, ASSHOLES!" the Spy yelled as he was being taken away.

After the SWAT team finally left with the Spy, class continued. But then the bell rang before Mr. Dickinson could actually teach shit.

"FUCKSALT!" he yelled. "I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TEACH YOU ALL HOW TO WRITE PORN SCREENPLAYS!"

That sentence only made the class rush to gym class. Unfortunately, Hikaru was stampeded my all the kids rushing out of the room. He quickly recovered, got back up, and ran out.

When he entered the gym, he was greeted by the gym instructor with a tackle.

"W-what the fuck?" said Hikaru.

"FUCK YOU, MAGGOT!" The gym teacher said.

The teacher went in front of the class to teach shit.

"HELLO, MAGGOTS!" The teacher said. "MY NAME IS MR. DUCKTITS! NOW THAT YOU RETARDS KNOW MY NAME, I WANT YOU ALL TO GIVE ME FIVE PUSHUPS, MAGGOTS!"

The class groaned after realizing that they have to do 5 pushups. Hikaru fainted on the 3rd one, Parappa only did 1, then fainted, and Sabrina was only able to do 3. Everyone else couldn't do more than 2.

"YOU'RE ALL FUCKTARDS, MAGGOTS!" Mr. Ducktits yelled. "NOW, I WANT YOU TO CLIMB THIS 20 METER LONG ROPE, DICKTITS!"

Everyone immediately regained their energy after Mr. Ducktits told them to climb the fucking rope. Hikaru only made it to the 4th meter, then let go of his grip from exhaustion. Parappa fell as soon an he reached the 1st meter, and Sabrina fell on the 4th meter. Everyone else failed on the 2nd meter.

"YOU ARE ALL JUSTIN BIEBERS, MAGGOTS!" Mr. Dickinson yelled. Just then, the bell rang. "GET THE FUCK OUT, MAGGOTS!"

Everyone exited the room and went back home, as school was over. Hikaru walked back home because he doesn't have a car. When he got home, he noticed that Bob – the autistic bunny from the last chapter- was there, and was watching Flapjack!

"WHAT THE FUCK-FUCKIN-FUCK-FUCKIN-FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY ASSFUCKING HOUSE?" yelled Hikaru. Bob threw a HOUSE at him, but Hikaru dodged it, and instead, it hit Dr. House's house from across the street. Should I stop using the word 'house' now?

"DON'T. YELL. AT. ME!" Bob screamed.

"No, you DESERVE to be yelled at!" Hikaru said. "Now, get the fuck out of my house or I will kick your a-"

"Hikaru, don't yell at him!" Hikaru's sister – who's name is Hitomi in case you were wondering what her name was – said. "If you just tell him nicely to leave, he'll leave! But remember, he'll come back."

"Thank you, Hitomi." Hikaru said. "Okay. Bob, please leave."

"Okay!" Bob said. He then left.

"Thank god!" Hikaru said.

"Yeah, come on, it's time for dinner." Hitomi said.

"Okay." Hikaru said. "I just hope that Dad doesn't serve that horrible bread!"

Just as Hikaru sat down at the dinner table, a loaf of bread was pounded on to his plate. Everyone else was eating bread, too.

"Dad, can we please have something else but bread?" Hikaru asked. "This bread is terrible!"

Hikaru received a fatherly punch in the face by his dad.

"Do not criticize my BREAD, SON!" Hikaru's dad said. "Now, it's 9:00 right now, go to sleep!"

"Wait, it's 9:00?" Hikaru asked out of confusion. "How the fuck is it 9:00?"

"Because my BREAD clock said so!" Hikaru's dad explained. "Now GO TO BED!"

"Fine." Hikaru said. He went upstairs to go to sleep, but then realized – he doesn't have a bed anymore! His dad sold it for bread and replaced it with a hippo!

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HIPPO DOING IN MY RO- oh yeah, this is my bed." Hikaru said. He then got up onto the hippo and went to sleep, anticipating another horrible day in Parappa Town.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
